Happy Birthday Xemnas!
by Chaos puppet
Summary: poor xemnas...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer –I do not own kingdom hearts and any of their characters and never will. My grammar and spellings aren't so good so don't comment on them because I warned you.

I also made up the way they live. Anyways enjoy! WARNING!- some characters are out of character!

**Happy birthday Xemnas!**

The morning broke and Xemnas surfaced. He saw a white wall in front of him and shielded his eyes and climbed out of his bed and strolled around the room. He got up and swung the bathroom door open and strolled in. He washed his face and then looked in the mirror in disgust. He punched it and it shattered.

"Which fool put it here anyway?" he cursed.

Just then he heard the door bang and then a few violent noises and curses. He sighed and went to answer it. He looked through the peephole and saw Xigbar and Xaldin boxing each other's heads and then they started knocking again.

"Oh great! Sideburns and patchy come to say good morning! What next, breakfast in bed?" Xemnas mumbled.

Xemnas opened the door and glared straight into Xigbar's eye, and then he looked at Xaldin's sideburns in disgust.

Xaldin gathered all the courage he had and finally said, "Many happy returns of the day, sir!"

"Huh? What did you just say dreadlocks?"Xemnas asked in shock.

Xaldin felt his dreadlocks and then adjusted them a little and then looked down in shame. Xemnas grabbed his throat and demanded for an answer. Xigbar quickly freed Xaldin from the shell shocked Xemnas. Xaldin went cockeyed for a moment and then had a normal expression.

"Happy birthday sir! It is your birthday! You know, the day you were created?"Xigbar said, "so the organization has planned a party for you at lunch time, we will appreciate it if you come sir."

Xemnas almost suffered from a heart attack. He was left stunned as his two partners went down the corridor and into their rooms. he scrambled back into his room.as he climbed back on to his bed he wondered how they found out his date of birth.

"Nosy idiots! Trying to scare me! They are probably trying to click photos of me in those lame party hats! They take me for an idiot! I'll show them!"Xemnas mumbled.

XXX

Meanwhile the rest of the organization struggled to prepare the dining room to make it look a bit like a party room. The kitchen was cooking up disasters because Axel and Demyx were the chefs as the old one was killed a few minutes ago. The dining arrangements were bad enough as Larxene and Lexaeus did not like each other. Zexion and Saix were slacking off. They needed wine for drinks but none of them gave two hoots about what was going on and what needed to be done. Vexen and Roxas were managing the 'entertainment' with poems and a very long speech. Last but not the least Luxord and Marluxia were decorating the place.

The kitchen was a sight to see. Axel and Demyx were messing things more than preparing the lunch.

"Hey you! Pass the rotten potatoes with fungus in them! Lets food poison that idiot then we won t have to hear him ramble about kingdom hearts!" Axel said with an evil grin.

Demyx looked at him with fear in his eyes but the fear soon changed in to a smug grin. He took the rotten potatoes and 'acidently'dropped it in to the toilet pot. They laughed evilly and then took the wet potatoes out and threw it into a dirty pot. Axel burnt it and then threw in any available substance in it.

"Hey Axel do you think the superior will find out we did it?"Demyx said with fear filling in his eyes, "I'm scared I mean he can kill us! Plus it IS his birthday, maybe this isn't such a good idea!"

"Shut up! Your just saying that coz you can't fight! So pass the out dated chili powder!" Axel yelled.

" Your right, I can't fight! But I WILL put my foot down! We can't kill the superior! I am not gonna support you!"Demyx declared.

Axel raised his eyebrow. He walked towards Demyx with a frown on his face. Demyx got into a defensive stance. But Axel didn't lay a finger on him; he walked past Demyx and went towards the ingredients.

"You wanna take that old fart's side then go ahead! But don't come in my way!" Axel shouted as he threw red chili powder in Demyx's eyes.

"Aaaaaaaah! You're sooooo dead"

Axel and Demyx got into a fistfight. They were punching each other's faces when Axel picked up a pot and threw it on Demyx's head. This enraged Demyx and he lifted the mixture of rotten potatoes and threw it in Axel's mouth. Axel's eyes widened. He turned green and his eyes were closing. Demyx looked proud of himself and began walking out of the kitchen when Axel jumped up and smashed a pan on his head. Demyx fainted and Axel continued making his meal (he gagged and tied Demyx.)

XXX

Larxene was glaring at Lexaeus, as she laid the table. Lexaeus just looked at her and then she stopped.

"What do you want fatty?" Larxene asked.

"………….."

"What happened cat got your tongue?"

"…….do you think we should use the crystal glasses or the glass ones?" Lexaeus asked.

Larxene got mad and picked up a knife and went running to Lexaeus.she then poked his stomach with the fork and he let out a cry but still remained quiet.

"Yuck! You sure need to loose weight! I mean look at yourself aren't you ashamed? Your stomach is bulging out!!!!!!!!!!!!!"Larxene said with disgust in her face.

"…………….I'm not fat I am muscular…….so do you want to put the fancy plates or the normal ones? And I think we should start deciding who sits where." Lexaeus replied.

They remained quite for sometime and then Larxene nodded her head and they began doing their work in a decent manner.

XXX

Vexen looked up to see Roxas lost in his work. He had a pen in his hand and was writing down the poem for Xemnas. Vexen grinned and he went towards Roxas to hear what he had written.

"May I read that poem?" Vexen asked politely.

"Yeah sure! Why not!"

Vexen took the paper and read what Roxas had written. He raised his eyebrow and his nose twitched. He looked at Roxas who was smiling at him. Vexen glared at him.

"What the hell do you mean by this?"Vexen asked.

"Cool eh?"Roxas grinned.

"You have written nonsense! It is a bad poem and the superior will not like it!"Vexen shouted.

"Its cool, I mean how can you not like it here when I read you may change your mind" Roxas said snatching the paper out of Vexen's hand, "roses are red, violets are blue, no leader can have worse breath than you!"

"Re write the darn poem!!! You idiot!"Vexen hollered.

Roxas frowned at Vexen and then went back to his table to make a better done. Vexen returned to his workstation. A few moments later Roxas went running to Vexen with his new and improved poem.

"Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Not even our poems can express how much we hate you!"Roxas narrated proudly.

Vexen frowned at Roxas and said, "listen pal even if you hate the superior at least act as if you like him. He is a fair and no nonsense man with great beliefs, so can you please change the hating you bit in to respecting you??"

"Fine. so I guess my jobs done!"Roxas nodded.

"Actually ask Demyx if he can play some music for us! But before that tell me what you think of my speech.

You are a great leader………………………….(it is basically a very long and boring speech and I'm to lazy to think of a speech.)………………..You are truly the best leader ever!"Vexen narrated.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"ROXAS!! Go and tell Demyx to play the music!"Vexen yelled.

XXX

A/N-so what do you think of my chapter? (Actually I was gonna make it a one shot but then it would be too long) I hoped you enjoyed it! Please R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n-hey! I completed chapter two well tell me what you think I hope at least one of the jokes makes you laugh (I tried my best) well R&R**

**Happy birthday Xemnas- Chapter 2 **

**Well the preparations for Xemnas's birthday were still continuing. Roxas was making haste towards the kitchen to find Demyx.suddenly he got a brilliant idea and went running back to Vexen.**

**"Hey I know you wont like it and all but hear my latest poem I thought of it and maybe we can recite it before Xemnas comes! It will make everyone laugh! Well this is how it goes-**

**Roses are red,**

**Violets are blue,**

**Donkeys like you should be kept in the zoo. **

**Don't feel so angry you will find me there too**

**Not in a cage but laughing at you."**

**"No! Roxas it will not do! Now stop wasting your time and go and fetch Demyx!" Vexen shouted**.

XX

Roxas glumly went to find Demyx.as he ran towards the kitchen he noticed Luxord and Marluxia who were fighting.

"Hey pops! Come here and blow the balloons!"Marluxia mocked.

"Who are you calling pops? I'm young you know and why don't you blow the balloons yourself you pansy!!"Luxord retorted.

"Why you old fart and a half! I'm gonna rip your mouth of!!!!!!!!!!!"Marluxia yelled as he removed his scythe.

"Wanna play it like that? Huh? Your on!"Luxord said as he removed his pack of cards.

"What are you gonna do shuffle the deck? Or beat me in a game of cards!"Marluxia mocked.

"Fight like a man! Wait a minute! You're not a man! You're a blend of genders!"Luxord shouted.

Rings of smoke came out of Marluxia's ears. He had never been insulted so much. He charged towards Luxord with his scythe. Luxord smirked and easily dodged the cheap attempt to hit him. Instead of hitting Luxord the scythe cut zexion's bangs revealing his second eye.unfortuneatly it cut Saix's hair.

Roxas looked at Saix and burst into laughter. He pointed at Saix's hair and yelled, "oh god look at him! He looks so lame! Ha ha ha!"

Saix woke up at this noise. The hall grew silent and everyone present was tensed and they tried to suppress their laughter. Just then even Zexion got up and looked at Saix and started snickering.

"What's so funny? And didn't I tell you to get the drinks?"Saix asked. Then he looked all around.

"………You never told me to get the drinks. By the way I never knew you got a hair cut (snickers),"Zexion replied.

Marluxia and Luxord looked away trying to act inconspicuous.Marluxia put down his scythe and put a very solemn expression. Luxord did the same. Roxas ran away as he could not control his laughter any longer.

"Zexion…you're fringe is g-ggone! And so has my hair!"Saix said while feeling his head in terror.

"What?! No wonder I can see so clearly! Which fool did this? I want an answer!"Zexion shouted, "anyway! Saix we are screwed we don't have the drinks!"

They exchanged looks and then Saix put on a cap and Zexion put on one of xigbar's spare eyepatches.then they both ran to get the drinks.Marluxia looked at Luxord and they stared at each other for some time.

"Look what you did grandpa! We almost got busted!"Marluxia said.

"He don't blame me I just dodged your attack! Any way did you see how cockeyed Saix went?"Luxord replied.

They stood in silence for some time and then burst out into a fit of laughter. Then they started working again but still keeping a distance from each other.

XXX

Roxas finally reached the kitchen and swung open the door to see Demyx tied in a corner struggling to reach the door. Roxas also saw Axel emptying his meal into a container.

"Er…Axel why is Demyx tied and gagged?"Roxas asked.

"Oh! Er…Roxas! Hes tied because….he wanted to make the superior a cake! When I told him no he got angry started smashing the pot on me. Then he got abusive so I tied him and gagged him." Axel replied.

"Right…any ways Demyx you have to play your sitar for the superior! Plus Axel get the food on the table the idiots coming soon!"Roxas commanded.

"Oxfas gees ying! Dees bying sho jil a fupiol!! Gop vim! Wucry de!!!!"Demyx shouted.

"What?" Roxas said with confusion on his face.

"Shut up Demyx! Roxas he is just abusing you!" Axel said while kicking Demyx.

XXXXXX

Roxas left the kitchen to find the hall decorated properly. The dinning arrangements were done. The drinks came in it was perfect. Axel then came out with the food and put it on the table. Xigbar and Xaldin had also joined them (even Demyx was bribed to keep his mouth shut and he did so even he was there).

All of them waited for Xemnas to arrive. Just then the door swung open and………..(cliffhanger!)

XX

A/N/-so I hoped you liked chapter two! If you did R&R!!!!!!

Oxfas gees ying! Dees bying sho jil a fupiol!! Gop vim! Wucry de!!!! Meant- Roxas he is lying! He is trying to kill the superior! Stop him! Untie me!!!


End file.
